The Washerwoman

Sounds like something from a Nicole Kidman horror movie, doesn't it? "You'd better be good little boys and girls, or the WASHERWOMAN will get you!!!" And then she does, one by one popping the unruly little biters into a steaming vat of laundry after which they reappear, the very soul of obedience. (But are they really? Hmmm...) Vaguely sinister. Or perhaps the name of a Seinfeld episode. The whole episode takes place in Jerry's apartment and the dry cleaner's. And Jerry's convinced the Washerwoman is taking his underwear, one pair at a time because he's positive there were 12 pairs of tighty whities in there, and now there's only 11 (somehow I can't imagine Jerry  Seinfeld wearing boxers. Actually I can't picture him in his underwear at all. It's upsetting. I can however, picture Mark Wahlberg in his underwear. In fact I'm doing it right now.). Or better yet, the Washerwoman is a crackerjack assassin, whose face no one has ever seen, in one of those confusing, slow-moving spy movies where you keep waiting for something to happen but nothing ever does and at the end you say, "Wait--what?". With Michael Caine and Matt Damon or something. And the Washerwoman turns out to be Helen Mirren or Tilda Swinton. The Washerwoman. Because she rubs you out. Like a stain. Ha ha. I watch too much television.

Unfortunately, I'm not nearly that lethal. (Which I guess I don't really consider a virtue. So let's say "fortunately," although there's something sort of lame and sad about being "harmless." Let's split the difference and call me dangerous. Like, I might maim you but I probably wouldn't kill you. On purpose.) And I suppose I'm more accurately The Washer Woman. Two words. As in Woman Who Uses Washers. Of the hardware variety. (As opposed to Kenmore. I have like 40 pairs of underwear so I hardly ever use a clothes washer. In fact, my boyfriend washes my underwear. Every 40 days. He's a gem.)

Copper washers, to be more specific. I've been texturing them with a brass texture plate and large hammer, as I mentioned in a previous post. I did up a bunch, antiqued and tumbled them, and then dipped them in Permalac for a high gloss and lasting good looks. That was some time ago, and I decided to use them this weekend for earrings. Which was my original intent as I had made them in matched pairs. I have one set to go that just needs earwires, so I won't show you those yet.

With cobalt blue pearls and glass:

With fuchsia pearls and glass, and some little upside-down beadcaps and daisy spacers:

And lastly, with iolite and amber glass seed beads:

Well I suppose I should go to bed so I can seem all alert and competent for my day job tomorrow. I shall probably dream about Tilda Swinton stirring a vat of Mark Wahlberg's underwear while ghostly little Stepford children swan around chanting nursery rhymes about a Soup Nazi in English accents.

Three New Labor[ing] Day Weekend Bracelets

My goal for the holiday weekend was to address the slimness of the bracelet section in my Etsy shop. I managed to create three new bracelets. I stopped getting dressed on Saturday (I think that was also the last time I left the house), only changing my underwear. Once. I think I washed my armpits Sunday. I finally changed out of my pyjamas this morning to go to work. It seemed best.

Here's what I did.

Pewter Salmon Totem Bracelet in Teal Quartz and Carnelian.

Teal-dyed quartz, moss agate, carnelian and faceted red agate are joined with 20 gauge sterling wire, accented with my hand-formed nickel beadcaps, and attached to a pewter salmon totem from Happy Mango Beads. More moss agate and carnelian are attached to the links with jump rings (I couldn't help myself. Those carnelian are like bon bons, and I must have been a testicle in a former life because I'm addicted to dangling). I was pleased with how the toggle clasp turned out, I think wrapping it made it more of an element in the design.

Pewter Salmon Totem Bracelet in Teal Quartz and Carnelian.

Then I recycled a pendant design into a bracelet design.

"Yucatan" Bracelet in Chrysocolla, Turquoise, Brass and Wood

I like to call it "Reinventing My Wheel and Pretending It's New." I don't feel bad because I invented this wheel. I call it "Yucatan," because it makes me think of some artistic Pre-Columbian kingdom. The Maya, I guess that would be. The chrysocolla is like...potato chips. I had to add...just...one...more. Love it with the brass. It's the most unearthly color, I just love it. I got these fat little roundels locally. These are my favorite wood wheels from Beads and Pieces (temporarily out of stock!!! OMG, somebody pass the Xanax and Chardonnay). This is the last brass toggle clasp of this sort that I have and I cannot for the life of me remember where I got it. I think I got it from Dry Gulch Beads but they don't have them anymore. :-( If anyone has found these anywhere else, please let me know. They remind me of old portholes. Or machine parts. There's a little African turquoise roundel on there too, and a couple moss agate.

Finally, I did this vaguely floral number.

These are, I think, commercial lampwork beads from Bead Outlet on Etsy. I've combined them with Rainbow Soochow jade in deep peony colors, a little ivory bone bead from Happy Mango, and more of those OUT OF STOCK wood wheels from B&P. My hammered beadcaps hopefully keep it just this side of frou-frou. I didn't have any suitable antiqued brass charms so I made my own heart charm out of wire. There's some garnets on there, some smaller Soochow jade in bubble gum colors and a little fancy jasper roundel in an antique rose color. I like to think of this as a fusion design--Woodsy Victorian Gipsy. Perhaps a Roma living in the Black Forest in about 1880.

I did some earrings too but I haven't photographed them yet so you'll have to wait. I was hoping to do more but I just couldn't go any faster. Next time I'll skip the underwear change and the pit-washing and maybe I'll get in another pair of earrings.